tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post6322683327347700060..comments2023-10-30T08:44:45.572-04:00Comments on The Follie Files: on overthinkingtipsymariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01001979206200298238noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-17613016493259299462007-09-14T07:59:00.000-04:002007-09-14T07:59:00.000-04:00I'm sorry you're having these thoughts. They are t...I'm sorry you're having these thoughts. They are troubling and confusing. My DH and I had many of the same thoughts, and you raise some new concerns we hadn't thought of ourselves.<BR/><BR/>In the end, we made a decision that worked for us.<BR/>I hope that you can make a decision that works for you both: it's really tough.queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00539184323507342634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-79095120637203143422007-09-09T18:47:00.000-04:002007-09-09T18:47:00.000-04:00Wow. Really amazing post.All through our time with...Wow. Really amazing post.<BR/><BR/>All through our time with the RE, I kept telling Mr. December that I just wanted to be a mom, and could we please just foster or adopt? It's probably easy for me to say now that I'm pregnant, but this is a very unique and special experience... maybe even a totally separate one from actually being a parent. It's probably important for you to clarify how much you want the experience of pregnancy and birth versus the experience of raising a child.<BR/><BR/>As far as the embryos... Plenty of times in the body the sperm and egg meet but never even make it to implantation. Embryos die all the time, even under "natural" circumstances. And let's not forget all the eggs we drop into the toilet every month. For me, that puts it into perspective... but it may be different for you. I hope you're able to sort things out.<BR/><BR/>(interstingly, I'd rather donate unused embryos to science than know that I have a biological child out there that someone else is raising)<BR/><BR/>Good luck. Either way, you'll be a great mom... even if you overthink that too!decemberbabyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04088233282015307702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-49283817130326132102007-09-07T23:18:00.000-04:002007-09-07T23:18:00.000-04:00i think you're right...more of us on this road sho...i think you're right...more of us on this road should talk openly about these issues. but, they're so HARD...it's difficult to do that. my feelings about IVF really changed after i went through a live cycle. i lost that first pregnancy, and i was crushed. i looked at the pictures of my 8-cell babies, and i mourned them. we had one embie out of 19 make it to blast and get preserved. she survived her freeze, she survived her thaw, and she survived living in my womb. she's now a 1.5yo miracle. i, too, REALLY struggle with the concept of doing this all again...what to do if many embies make it to freeze, how to feel about embies that fertilize, but die. this whole thing sucks. it sucks big green donkey...well you know. thanks for raising the questions. know that you're not alone in your stance or your feelings.<BR/><BR/>wishing you peace and love,<BR/>-lori, IF mama to the buglltandersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09121516686657529961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-58495899361138909672007-09-07T15:11:00.000-04:002007-09-07T15:11:00.000-04:00Those are some heavy questions. I think fertility ...Those are some heavy questions. I think fertility treatment is a process and with each step comes acceptance and then hope. I never thought I would be one of "those " women who have trouble conceiving. Then I thought I would never be one of "those" women who have to go through IVF. And now here I am using DE, I think you get the picture.<BR/><BR/>As far as the fertilized embryos...this is a very personal issue. I come from a medical background and I don't have any problem, emotionally and intellectually speaking, separating an embryo in a lab from a baby. I know how incredibly important stem cell research is to disease study and maybe some day someone I love will benefit from it. If I have left over embryos and I am sure I don't want any more children then we (husband and I) will gladly donate them to research.<BR/><BR/>I hope it helps to hear someone else's opinion, even if different from others.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13534236391745808702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-30143315818596090032007-09-07T07:59:00.000-04:002007-09-07T07:59:00.000-04:00Crap, I wish I had an easy answer. But let's face ...Crap, I wish I had an easy answer. But let's face it. If there *was* one you wouldn't be asking.<BR/><BR/>xx<BR/><BR/>JGeohdehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09084396088622931768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-10928060475849913032007-09-05T22:12:00.000-04:002007-09-05T22:12:00.000-04:00there would be something really wrong if we didn't...there would be something really wrong if we didn't have these questions. i mean this is big time stuff, what kind of person wouldn't care about these issues? it just shows that you understand the weight of what you're considering undertaking and are giving it due consideration.<BR/><BR/>i had some similar issues with feeling like IVF just didn't feel right. i never wanted to do it to begin with, i had wanted to adopt since before we even knew it wouldn't happen easily. but husband was NOT on board, and after a LONG road (4+ years) i also felt like i had to give it a shot.<BR/><BR/>ultimately IVF was a major turning point for me. and i'm not talking about when it actually worked, but before that. finally taking control instead of feeling so controlled by our infertility made it all so much more bearable. for that reason, i found the IVF stage a million times easier than the years of charting and DIY and IUI, etc.<BR/><BR/>we definitely all have to come to our own answers and i think (hope) that eventually we know when something feels right. i'm hoping you find that soon, whatever path it may be.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01587725139301198392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-80460471424735189122007-09-05T20:49:00.000-04:002007-09-05T20:49:00.000-04:00You are so not alone with these fears and apprehen...You are so not alone with these fears and apprehensions. I struggled with some of the same what ifs and questions. There is no easy answer, and I wish none of us had to deal with any of this. <BR/><BR/>Best of luck with the upcoming test, and with the decisions that may lie ahead.<BR/><BR/>thinking of you...Mama Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07828936673145226848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-32158414937438286592007-09-04T23:20:00.000-04:002007-09-04T23:20:00.000-04:00The part of your post where you discuss to do or n...The part of your post where you discuss to do or not do IVF could have come from my own head. One day I think I could do it and the next I am not so sure. You are not alone in your misgivings about it.<BR/><BR/>As for the other very important topics you bring up, you gave me some great topics to ruminate over!<BR/><BR/>Good luck with the Clomid Challenge! It is scary to get the call with the numbers but it is better to know what you are dealing with...Thinking of you.Ms. Plannerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409133656377265127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-25630766201209317202007-09-04T23:07:00.000-04:002007-09-04T23:07:00.000-04:00Really great post. I'm happy to have found your b...Really great post. I'm happy to have found your blog! I don't have any advice for you, I'm not at IVF yet. But I know about feeling like ART is cold and dark. I always imagined children were to be conceived on lazy vacation days spent in front of a fire and drinking bottles of wine together. This clinical approach to it, this cold and scientific analysis every month is all so dark.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-28016990102581819692007-09-04T08:24:00.000-04:002007-09-04T08:24:00.000-04:00you're right we don't talk about it and i think we...you're right we don't talk about it and i think we should. <BR/>1. is it worth it? <BR/>so far for me...it IS. the shots are no biggie, and to me...i think knowing whether or not we can have our bio children, is worth the $15,000. Even if we find out via PGD that our eggs are all crap...while i'll be upset, at least i'll know and we could move on. <BR/><BR/>2. all the detruction for one life<BR/><BR/>you're right...IVf is cold and dark and a place where embryos are potentially turned into something unspeakable. <BR/>for me it's an easier question, we're all pretty sure that i get a little pregnant every month and that i m/c. so, my body is doing to them something even worse than what IVF could potentially do. <BR/>I'm pro-choice too, but that doesn't make it any better. <BR/>My mental justification is that most of the embryos we make will not be viable in the end anyway. And any left for freezing we'll use or donate to science or even another couple. (which i am 100% okay with...but not k...yet).<BR/><BR/>you specifically...<BR/>Based on your history...while you might make thirty eggs..and i of course hope you do....your history suggests that you may only make a handful...so that will take care of itself. <BR/>as to the not liking how babies are created with IVF...as a buddy ..i HUMBLY offer that...are you idealizing so-called natural conception? where a man's sperm is ejaculated into you then hangs out in cervical mucous waiting for an egg to pop out of an enlarged cyst? And of course if this doesn't work for the month then the egg ends up flushed down the toliet?<BR/>Fertilization in a petri dish allows the embryo a bit more honor, no? <BR/>I'm glad you brought it up and i wish you peace and wisdom is making your decision.The Oneliner (Christina)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03997049405594118170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-12532612603373659392007-09-04T00:03:00.000-04:002007-09-04T00:03:00.000-04:00Your questions are so very valid. For one of them:...Your questions are so very valid. For one of them: 'Is IVF worth it'. I'm in the middle of my 2ww so perhaps my answer will change but so far it has been worth it for me. I'm still surprised how easy the shots have been but I had a pretty yucky week health wise before and after ER. Despite the blah week, I just know for myself that if I didn't try this at least once, I would always wonder. Thats just me though. Everyone is different and the answer to that for you will come when the time is right. Also, this whole process has really made me think about 'what is life'. Before, I would have never thought anything about an embryo. Its just a bunch of cells, blah blah blah. But now, oh my goodness. The potential of life just hits me when I think about it. I look at the picture of my embies and get so emotional. My pro-choice views are still the same BUT it has changed my outlook. So answering the questions on our release forms about what we want to do with the extra embies was a tough one for me but since we have nothing to freeze, I guess the subject is moot. Anyways, best of luck :)Amy Rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12842619390377450284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-51107671647672608432007-09-03T18:03:00.000-04:002007-09-03T18:03:00.000-04:00This is one of the biggest cruelties of IF, I thin...This is one of the biggest cruelties of IF, I think. On the one hand, it's weird and horrible to create all these maybe babies and then just watch them perish, and on the other, you're spending thousands of dollars, and making swiss cheese of your belly and god only knows what the hormones do to you long term, so you want to give yourself the best chance of success possible! UGH. I definitely feel your pain. (About the ADD, too. It's so interesting that IF is the one thing I can concentrate on for HOURS. I guess I'm glad I'm not alone...)Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04784917607642187815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-16449614626471005672007-09-03T17:58:00.000-04:002007-09-03T17:58:00.000-04:00Overthinking things is one of my specialities. It...Overthinking things is one of my specialities. <BR/><BR/>It doesn't make things like this any easier, that is for sure. <BR/><BR/>When I went in for my transfer and found out an embryo had arrested, I was crushed. I don't even know how to explain the feelings. I can understand your feelings about the what ifs. I don't know what I would do with frozen embryos. I just don't know. I don't know how I feel about creating embryos that we can't use. Or creating embryos that will die before we can transfer them. It is all such tough stuff to work through. <BR/><BR/>I do like Niobes suggestion of only fertilizing the number you can actually use. If IVF wasn't so expensive, I would try a few natural cycles or with very little stimulation in attempts to do just that. <BR/><BR/>I guess my whole point to thie rambling comment is that I understand your feelings, completely.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-39771866116029531222007-09-03T16:52:00.000-04:002007-09-03T16:52:00.000-04:00I don't know if this would work for you, but here'...I don't know if this would work for you, but here's what some people who have similar thoughts and feelings have done. They choose not to create more embryos than they actually plan to use, either in that IVF cycle or in later cycles. So, for example, if a couple decided that they would try two IVF cycles, using 2 embryos each time, they would have the doctor fertilize only 4 eggs, two to use now and two to freeze. There wouldn't be any leftover embryos to worry about and every embryo created would be given a chance to grow into a baby. <BR/><BR/>Now this obviously doesn't deal with all the issues you've presented, like what if the embryos don't develop or aren't good enough to freeze and it reduces your chances of getting pregnant, but it's one way that some couples have tried to handle this dilemma.niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10685766216611639434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3882716136668917298.post-65149139687903524612007-09-03T15:03:00.000-04:002007-09-03T15:03:00.000-04:00I've had these thoughts as well. I feel the same w...I've had these thoughts as well. I feel the same way about freezing, donating to science, to another couple, and so on. I could have written this entire post.<BR/><BR/>I don't know if these thoughts will eventually stop me from pursuing IVF, b/c for me...experiencing pregnancy and our OWN biological children is SO VERY important. But then again, it's not to say that I would never consider adoption. I suppose I'm only confusing you more...but I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one with these thoughts. It takes a lot to confront these feelings and I admire your honesty. I guess at the end of the day, one choice or another isn't going to jump out in an "ah hah!" moment...at least for me...I think it's a matter of weighing the pros and cons. Whatever you decide, you'll make a great mother.<BR/><BR/>I'm really hoping that at this point, I didn't confuse you more!Cody and Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03970538108643371737noreply@blogger.com