random musings

There is no coherency to this post, just felt like writing.

1. I talked to my IUI nurse today, well, actually, she left a message. There is a protocol in place, but nothing can get going until I have a pap smear and repeat labs for me and D. I know WHY, but I'm already overextended right now and I just don't feel like going through all the tests again. But seriously, it's making me get pap smears about once a year, which is good.

2. One of my best friends just told me she's pregnant. 13 weeks, and they've heard the heartbeat and things look good. Of course, I am sad and happy at the same time, to which I know we are all familiar. Especially since she's had two previous mc's before this, which is why she waited so long to tell me. I responded with a trillion questions of course, because I like all the details, and she wrote back that she was so relieved I was happy for her. That made me really, really sad, that it even was something she was worried about. It's the happiest she's been in a very very long time, and yet my infertility was a source of sadness for her. The only thing I could think to muster was as flat and shallow as a "Sorry, man."; so I decided to repeat how happy I am for her and her husband. Can't go wrong there, I guess.

3. It's nearing the end of the school year, and I don't remember ever being so ready for the summer. No, not because I will lounge about in La P.erla all day, being fed grapes and having angels brush my silken hair, as all teachers are wont to do in our summers, but because I can focus on my health regimen. Of what this means exactly I do not know, but it sounds really good. Health regimen. As in, do not mess with me and my health regimen.

4. D and I have finally reached a really wonderful place in our relationship, so if you really love each other, it can work. I hate to get all Pollyanna on your asses, but I believe it to be true. I was thinking on the way to work today about everything that has happened since we got married, and no wonder. It's a whole mess of stuff. I will share this later when I stop being so paranoid about who will read this on the internet, or perhaps more specifically, when I stop being so paranoid about getting real. Thanks Dr. Phil, I know I have a problem "getting real". I am still not really sure what this means, but I do know after several glasses of a nice Pinot Noir, I can spill all the details of my emotional issues like . . . {insert the simile of your choice here from the options below}

a. cool water spilling forth freely from a clear crystal carafe
b. an boisterous, wriggling puppy breaking from your embrace to lick you silly
c. slippery, shiny intestines spilling out of a carcass

That last one just would not leave my head. Maybe too much late night Animal.Planet, maybe a little subconscious action. Wonder what that means about the way I view my emotions. Messy? Check. Rather not see it? Check. Totally want to avoid the experience all together? Check.

So, what about some of you? Are you iffy about giving emotional details or are you comfortable delving into your psyches?