When I started this blog, I struggled with whether or not to allow anonymous posting. I decided to allow it, mainly so if someone out there wanted to comment without starting a blogger account they could.
Well.
I received this gem of a comment this week on a blog entry from way back. You need to read it before you read her thoughtful and sensitive comment.
I would wonder if you are really being honest with yourself about your emotions. If you are truly happy, then I would wonder if you really cared very much about your own miscarriage. Is it possible that you were ambivalent about pregnancy to begin with and that the loss of the baby didn't really affect you that deeply? While others laud your attitude, I have to say that it raises red flags for me and strikes me as disingenous. Not that everyone who suffers a loss has to turn into a bitter, hateful hag -- not at all! But the complete absence of sorrow in your post leads me to conclude that you probably really ARE happy for her, and that is is because you really weren't too devastated by the loss of your own pregnancy.
I have to wonder - did she bother to read my numerous other posts? I haven't checked, but my guess is she did a google search and somehow landed on this post. In her haste to pass judgment on someone who has suffered a miscarriage, she undoubtedly did not bother to read anything else.
I'm not sure - is it worse that she DID, and still thought that I was a cold uncaring bitch, or she DIDN'T, and thinks that based on about 3 minutes of thinking?
I'm not so much angry with her response as disappointed. It makes me sad to know that someone out there read this and assumed that I didn't care about my baby, one that would've been born this week.
I mean, come ON. Enough already. Really. I'm good.
PS Have I told you guys about my mom's suggestion that I use my sister for an egg donor? And I told her I didn't think that was a good idea? And she said "Why not? I think it's a great idea!" And I said, "No, really. D and I think it just isn't. We've thought about it and if we need to go that route, we prefer it to be anonymous." And she said "Well, at least think about it some more. Your sister would love to do this for you." (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I haven't?
Well, that post is coming soon. I'm working on it.
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15 comments:
Ouch.
That's plain rude.
And I'm sure Google is to blame. Google upsets me daily!
J
Seems like there has been a wave of insensitive/ rude post on a few blogs I read. Of course, they are all anonymous. I wonder if it is the same person?? It is like the people who used to leave comments on the Weight Watchers board saying... I am 98 lbsand 5'5 and looking to lose 15 lbs....They are just looking for a reaction. It is too bad....
i think abby is right. i just think that there are hateful people who are more likely to be so in an anonymous forum.
i used to pay attention to the reviews on line for products i was considering purchasing...but then it occurred to me that there were just waaaayyyyy to many people on line with too much time on their hands.
and that's the same here.
there are morons in the world, and apparently one found your blog.
It sucks that people like that ruin this "safe" place for us all. I hope she stays away.
I'm not sure about your specific reasons for not wanting to use your sister but I had a good friend offer for us and DH and I agreed that anonymous was the better choice for us. You can trust your instincts to know what's best for you.
I see that Ms. Anonymous uses the term "a bitter, hateful hag." A coincidence? I think not.
Hope she stays away from your (and everyone else's) blog.
Always Anonymous!!!......to pathetic to put a name behind their.....way out of line and crap comment anyway......
You just have to feel sorry for this type...Dont you ?...
Probably hide behind their PC all day as well....to frightened to leave the screen....
Grrrrrrrrrrr...
Wow. That's just really uncool. I know we put it all out there and can be judged for it, but seriously - why write something like that to another human being? Blech.
Well, I am not licensed, but I do have a PhD in psychology, and any decent therapist would praise you for what I see as effective coping (i.e., not letting your loss take over your life and your emotions...and for anyone who is doing that, sometimes that is ok, too, especially at first).
As for being relieved about not having to deal with the chaos of prepping for a new baby...um, HELLO! Last I checked, that is very stressful. Gee, you were relieved that you weren't being stressed. Go figure. Just because you have been through so much doesn't mean you should naively romanticize all aspects of pregnancy and childrearing. Yeah, it's hard. We are trying hard to get hired for a highly strenuous job (with great benefits).
Don't let one judgemental jerk ruin your day.
As for egg donations, I have always said, if I had to go that route (knock on wood), I would want an unknown donor just to avoid any awkwardness.
Asanine. No other way to describe that comment. Everyone grieves differently and she has no authority over what "raises red flags". There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
So sorry you had to endure that. Things are hard enough without insensitivity and ignorance.
LAME! Of course they are always anonymous cowards who leave those kind of ridiculous comments. So sorry they found your blog. And on this week's auspicious milestone nonetheless. Sigh.
Thinking of you and whoever left that comment has no idea of how good you really are.
Geez... I can say that I have never been as loving to others having baby showers, so I praise you totally!!!
As for Anon, Whatever....
Geez... now I feel like a Hateful old Hag!!!! :o)
Don't mind it. Just know that you are being true to your emotions. No need to explain it to others. I'm happy for you.
What the fuck? I can't believe she had the nerve to say that.
I am sorry that this wasn the week you were due. I am thinking of you.
that stupid commenter doesn't deserve the time you've spent thinking about her motives. you clearly put yourself out there very honestly in all your posts and i love that.
somehow it is kind of a stomp on the heart when a sibling offers to solve our fertility problems (at least it was for me), even if you know it comes from a very good place. anaonymous would have been a much better solution for us too. hopefully you'll never have to make that choice.
i am so, so sorry you had to endure that. i also got my first snotty comment this week...it wasn't anonymous, but it was quite clear that the person who left the comment hadn't read my whole "story".
thinking of you as you get closer to what should have been your baby's due date,
-lori
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