I've decided to stop writing this blog, at least for a little while.
I didn't want to just stop updating entirely. I can't stand it when people do that; just stop with no explanation.
I have nothing really new or interesting to say. Yes, I can't have a baby. Yes, that sucks. How many times/different ways/situations can I say it? It's damaged our marriage (but honestly, things were much, much worse a year ago), my self esteem, and even my outlook on life will never be the same. I just don't care to dwell upon this anymore. 2 1/2 years is long enough to let this run my life.
My mother is in remission from a cancer that could return and most likely will, given it's course. My sister has other health issues that make it impossible for her to have another child, which she was hoping to do in the new year. It puts the infertility my husband and I have experienced in perspective and almost makes me feel ashamed for all of this self centered whinging I do from time to time.
I have so many things in my life that make me happy. I think the best thing for me to do is think about those as much as possible. Which I've been doing more of lately. I still have bad days (Christmas Eve was one of these days), but you know what? Feeling sorry for myself still hasn't resulted in a baby yet. I don't think it ever will, so it's time for me to move on from this self imposed pity party as much as I can.
We aren't cycling now, and when we start, I will have more to say. So, please don't drop me from your bloglines or stop checking in. More interesting and witty repertoire will come eventually. The dildocam has missed me, or so I've heard.
I finally got good and angry at the infertility monster. I am kicking her out (or more likely, locking her in a dark closet at the back of my psyche) for good. And I am going to win this fight.