following dr.'s orders is *usually* advised

I decided that the egg retrieval went so well that following the rest of the instructions for the after parts was unwarranted. "Drink plenty of fluids" and "don't consume many carbs and stick to high protein" did not sound at all like the self rewarding fest I felt was due once home and in the days prior to the transfer. Granted, I was bloated all to hell from the stims and have PCOS so really, that puts me in the 5% category for developing OHS.S but what does that ol' doctor know that I don't? Please. I read the internets*. My body can take some delicious carbs and dairy. Me hungry!
I instructed D to go to the store and purchase avocados, tortilla chips, doritos and american cheese once we were home from the retrieval. You know, mostly healthy stuff.
Turns out the avocados he purchased were not right - either under or overripe - I mean, gawd, I just had surgery, can't he choose a decent avocado??
So instead, I consumed one and a half cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise and mustard and roughly half a bag of doritos. That was lunch.
Dinner was Wendy's.
I know you want to get judgy right now, and if you must, go ahead. Because I would too if I were reading this.
The next morning, I got up and felt all bloaty and abdominally crampy - kind of like being constipated. I thought it was weird but I went to work anyway. I didn't want to sit around the house all day and go stir crazy.
My diet was not much better this day either.
Then came Friday, and oh my. I was soooooo uncomfortable I started to freak out that I had OHS.S. At work I was so snappy that I just stopped talking unless I absolutely had to. I was forced, out of pain and discomfort, to follow the doctor's orders.
Turns out I feel better this morning because I watched what I ate yesterday and drank plenty of water. Yeah. It works.

I've already forgotten to take medication twice. I am so type b about this cycle I can't even tell you. Like too much and not in a good way. Like as in doing it to avoid thinking about what's really happening. I forgot my first dose of estrace the other day; and forgot my antibiotic last night. That's why I am awake at 5 am on a Saturday morning. Because I woke up and remembered I forgot it and that I'd better damn take it because it says so on my lis*t of instructions, which I've also misplaced more than once.

I will leave you with some embarrassing things I said once coming out of anesthesia from the egg retrieval:
1. To the nurses: "You guys are the best. This whole experience was great. I love you." Can I get a prescription for versed?"
2. To D: "This is the best cranberry/grape juice EVER. We need to get some." (this is not that bad, except it's an open room with curtains separating the bed and I don't like strangers to overhear me sounding moronic. right, because that's what's important at the moment.)

*it turns out that reading the medical journals online is in fact not the same as earning a medical degree and doing a residency in obstetrics and gynecology; eventually many years later, specializing in reproductive endocrinology. no. it's really not the same.