Sunday, January 18, 2009

well now that I've started I can't stop

So why didn't I update for almost an entire year? Well. Hmm.
I just felt weird writing about my pregnancy. Which was wholly uneventful and perfectly normal; despite my constant certainty things would not work out.
Once I felt him move - which happened very early - around 15 weeks - I counted movements every single day. Even when at first they didn't happen every day. And the first movements weren't these magical butterfly type movements. They were little taps, kind of like water dripping or something. So I wasn't sure for awhile it was him.
Then I rented a doppler so I could obsessively check for his heartbeat. Sometimes several times a day. I left work during planning more than once to drive home and check it if I felt like he hadn't moved enough that morning. And that happened a lot. He was an infrequent mover. He had days of crazy movement and days where I hardly felt anything Those were very long days.
I spent so much time worrying and fretting that I failed to notice my due date approaching with lightening speed. Maybe I was in a state of denial. As much as I wanted a baby I knew I had NO IDEA what to do with one and that scared me. So not much got done in preparation. Things stayed in boxes and wrapped in gift bags.
At the first of November I was large. But I carried him all in the front so I looked rather comical. One day at work, three women stopped me and asked when are you having that baby?? He is down around your knees!! And my mother, who just two days prior, aptly described me as a "pregnant bowling pin".
I was undeterred - my due date wasn't for three more weeks! I had plenty of time to unpack the quadrillion baby items - most of which I had no idea what they were for - wash and organize his clothes, clean the house and prepare everything for my long term sub. Oh, and pack a hospital bag.
Even though the midwife had checked me for dilation at 36 weeks because I was having this annoying cramping and pressure - it was really annoying - and pronounced me 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced - I still wasn't convinced he would be here before the due date. Even though she said as I was leaving "I'll probably see you before next week!"

Back to the day at work when I was minding my own business. I really had to pee and it was almost time for classes to begin after planning. So I sat down to pee.
And my water broke. Right there at work in the bathroom. How unceremoniously . . . normal.
Of course I freaked. Called my doctor who said get to the hospital NOW.
After quite the ride on the highway - the contractions started 2 min apart - none of this 8 min then 5 then 2 - no, I was in Labor. Transition nonetheless. I was 4 cm and completely effaced when I arrived. I'd been in active labor for a few days and just didn't know.

After a very easy labor and an even easier delivery, he was born about 7 hours later. Perfect and healthy. I remember bits and pieces but my most vivid memory is directly after his birth he was placed on my chest and I just kept repeating "Hi! I am so excited to finally meet you!" He seemed rather nonplussed by all the festivities. He just wanted to nurse immediately and be left alone. In retrospect, I would've fought harder for that time.
Maybe next go around?


InfertileMadWoman said...

Oh sweetie, I am sooooo happy for you!!!



Sarah said...

that's wonderful, so happy for you!! and glad you are already thinking of next time!! who new we crusty old infertiles could ever be all sappy and hopeful about the future?

serenity said...

WOW. First of all. Congratulations, I'm so happy for you!!!!!

Yes. The worrying. My pg was the very same way - uneventful, full of worry, and denial. Water breaking at lunch, when I was headed back to work. And then there he was, three weeks early. And the first couple of months, I worried ALL.THE.TIME.

So girlfriend, I feel ya.

It gets better. It gets easier - you learn what you NEED to worry about versus worrying about everything.

In the meantime, hang in there. The days will seem SLOOOOOOOW but the weeks will fly.


seussgirl said...

congratulations! I, too, started right in at a consistent 3 minute contraction, in the middle of the flu, however, so not fun.

We also slept our babies on their tummies, but they were attached to LOUD monitors, so we also didn't have to check constantly. And they were both on reflux meds until just this month.

Congrats again!

FattyPants said...

Congratulations, welcome to the world little one, and to you welcome to motherhood.

FattyPants said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cassandra said...

Congratulations! All the best to you.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on your son! I am so happy to hear your news!

Ms. Planner said...

Congratulations on your little guy. I am very happy for you and, of course, a little surprised. I had no idea that things had gone okay...and, of course, they have gone splendidly. Enjoy!

decemberbaby said...

Oh wow... I clicked on the link to your blog by chance, I figured there wouldn't be anything new, but THERE IS!!!!


Anonymous said...

I wandered over here from Stirrup Queens' blogroll, have PCOS myself, and I just wanted to say CONGRATS! This kind of story makes me very hopeful for my own. :)

- Molly

Anonymous said...

It's wonderful to hear about your pregnancy--it gives the rest of us hope! Congratulations and enjoy your sweet bundle.


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Panic Attack said...

What an interesting story about how you monitored your pregnancy and when the time to give birth happened. Easy labor and easy childbirth, plus a strong and healthy baby that wants to nurse right away is fantastic! Thanks for sharing and I find your writing style quite captivating.

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