Well, still doing good physically. But I wasn't prepared for the hormonal fallout. I was planning on going back to work today but I think that would've been a supremely bad idea.
Now, instead of people telling me such gems as "Relax and it will happen" "Drink some wine/robitussin/cyanide" "Go on a vacation - hey, have you heard about that package for infertile couples in the Bahamas? It's supposed to really work!"
"Wow! At least now you know you can GET pregnant - and on your OWN!" And perhaps most unfortunately, the loudest proponents in this sunshine committee are my husband and mother.
Um, yeah. But pregnant with what exactly? I mean, it did stop developing and forced me to go through a D&C. Thanks, but no thanks. I don't want to go through this again.
I should explain first that my husband is wonderful and has incredible qualities that I'm so happy to have in a husband.
He has the unnerving ability to look bad news smack in the face and deny the significance of it's existence. For example, this last time my beta numbers were very low but they did double!, he would say excitedly, and then my heart would break just a little more. And then we went in for the first ultrasound and the sac was measuring a week behind dates and the embryo was 2 days behind. And I knew it was only a matter of time. Especially when they moved my due date back 5 freaking days. On the other hand my husband found studies on the internet relating to small sac sizes and fetal demise, and he was sure since the sac to embryo ratio was not great but also not nearly as bad as it could be, we still had a reasonable chance at success. Look! It says here that 75% of sacs of our size with our dates will self correct. And when my pregnancy symptoms would come and go, and were not very strong anyway after the first week, he would say Why do you always have to be so negative, why can't you look on the bright side - the odds are in our favor. And then we would fight, because the last part, the odds are in our favor, well, I just found that to be one of the most incredibly naive things he'd said, maybe ever.
The anxiety of this pregnancy was bad enough, but the anxiety of knowing my husband was about to encounter one of the worst days of his life completely unprepared was infinitely worse.