First, I have to to thank the oneliner for the shout out. Much appreciated, becuase I actually am admitting I need support.
All of the comments have been more help than you know. For the last year or so, I have been quite the lurker, reading many of your blogs, never really needing or feeling like I had much to write about, but how things do change.
So, it honestly is the strangest feeling, scheduling a time to have someone remove a life that's already died, from you. Sorry, I know that's blunt, but it is an infertility blog, after all - if you can't say it here, then our husbands would have to listen, and well, sometimes quiet is better.
I did go to work today, which was the best thing I could've done. I am a teacher, and of course I didn't tell my kids the news. I just said I'd be out to take care of some things. They were interested, sure, and dare I say even a bit concerned. I don't know, maybe it was my tone, or maybe I was a little too pale today. So for about 2 minutes, they were sweet angels.
And then, it was back to the regular preteen behavior.
Which put it all in perspective. This is a huge deal for us, our close friends and family. But in the big picture, life really does just go on with or without you. And in a strange way, it was comforting to realize the monotony and the predicitability of it all, and if you don't find a way to hang on for the ride, it's going to keep on keepin' on.