Friday, April 13, 2007

So, I heard you're trying to get pregnant

The tech support person was in my room this week to fix my computer. As she was working, we were making small talk, gossip and stuff. Then, out of the clear blue, she says "I heard you're trying to get pregnant."

Well, I thought over my options as to how to answer this question as quickly as one can in 5-10 seconds. As far as I can tell, someone has placed an update of my past and current reproductive history somewhere in the building. Because at least a couple of times a month, a relative stranger brings the subject up, usually when I'm least expecting it.

So, I thought, what the hell. Why not just fill her in. So I did to some degree, how long we'd been trying, that there was a lot wrong, I'd had two miscarriages, one very early and the other at 8 weeks. She is a nice person and all, so really, why not just be open with it all, apparently since it's being discussed in a meeting or something that I'm not privy to. I mean, let me just end the speculation for everyone. It's the least I can do, right?

She told me to take vacation to the Caymans, because that's what a friend of her cousin's did, and she got pregnant with twins. Duh. Why haven't we tried THAT?
It's ok. She means well. And I do like her.

Which got me thinking about the strange upside to a tragic experience.

People have been very nice and accomodating ever since I came back to work after the mc. Sending me "thank you" and "Great job" emails, taking extra time to help me out with stuff - even when I really don't need it - I don't know, I am certainly not talking about it. But I guess other people are or something.

It's not like I'm some fragile piece of china or anything. And I'm really not sure how to feel about it - be glad for the kindness of others or wonder what the hell kept them from being so nice before the mc?

I think I will just be glad.


Adrienne said...

You work with some very nice people. Enjoy the caring attention. (Unless it's just serving to remind you of what's happened - then you should tell everyone to stop it!)

Anns said...

Haha, I've heard of those, they're called "Procreation Vacations" and some of the big hotels are actually trying to capitalize off of the marketing strategy that your chances of getting pregnant will increase if you're traveling, rested and relaxed. They're also called "BabyMoons" for couples trying to conceive shortly after marriage.

Wacky huh.

xo Anns

decemberbaby said...

What kept them from being nice to you before is that we all assume that everything's okay until proven otherwise. As soon as we see that someone is vulnerable, we treat them kindly - the way we ought to be treating everyone, IMHO. We don't give much thought to what the people around us need as long as we think everything is normal.

My Reality said...

You know, if those vacations really worked, there wouldn't be RE's driving nice cars and making lots of money. It would be the travel agents making millions from a bunch of infertiles.

Nicole said...

People just can't help themselves, huh? Drives me batty.

On one hand, I want to be completely open about ttc and the m/c. On the other hand, I am not really ready for lame comments, as I have mentioned in my own posts. I am way too sensitive now, but hopefully later I will be able to talk about it without fear.

megan said...

that's kind of spooky that strangers at your workplace are so in the loop. i think it's a good idea to just be glad about the seeming extra niceness as of late. yes, people should always behave this way, but given that they *don't* most of the time, you should take advantage of it! :)

Christina said...

that would weird me out too.

do you sometimes feel like the "girl with _________" infertility, cancer, whatever. (NOT that the 2 are the same. or even in the same ballpark...).

i mean, i feel like that's my new
name, christina the infertile. like, madonna, i'd like to go by one name.

i do think, all things being ok, taking a vaca is a GREAT way to get pg'y. i know numerous people who got pg'y on vaca. (now, these are people who had been trying for only months...with no issues) so i do think it can help. there are studies that suggest that if you are stressed your ute can contract during the 2 www...which can lessen the chances of implantation. who knows the validity of those studies...but i sure do know a lot of vaca babies.

in fact, hopefully, k and i will go stay in some hotel after our the slight chance that it might help. And b/c i think LOTS of food from room service would help. Including ice cream.

Carrie said...

I'm not sure I'd like all people making comments like that. I'm quite a private person and very few know our history. I like it like that but I wish I could be more open. I think that is healthier all round.
I think part of the reason I'm so secretive is to avoid being hurt. When someone says something stupid and they aren't aware of our situation I can shrug it off easily. If however someone in the know has said something and I feel they should have been more sensitive, I deal with it really badly.
It must take strength to be so up front.