Monday, March 12, 2007

what the friggin' frick?

I hope to make the "what the friggin' frick" a weekly installment. A list of incomprehensible things both from my personal life, other people's business and the news.

1. I've been craving tuna fish salad like crazy. Which I normally hate. With extra onions. Which as I type this sounds just nasty, but I did just eat a whole mess of it.
So, I've figured out the possible reasons for this, due to ALL the extra time I have on my hands lately. Not really, but it is hard to get sarcasm across on the interweb. Maybe I should use more italics, bolding, and other such techniques.
Possibility A: I am pregnant roughly 3 weeks after my D&C, without a detectable ovulation, not that much sex, but we all know that you are SO much more fertile after a D&C. I mean, the sperm practically dance up your hooha, knock on your ovaries, take out the egg for a whirl in a shiny new red convertible, and viola! make a nest in your newly vacuumed and shampooed ute. It says so on all those infertility blogs. Maybe it's boy/girl twins. But I guess they are done for since I am slowly killing them with mercury.
Possiblity B: I am about to ovulate. I read a study linking increased estrogen to increased craving of tuna fish. Hey now, I bet if you asked the google oracle in just the right way, that study exists somewhere on the internet.
Possibilty C: Erm, I am crazy? Yes, this is certainly the most likely of the three. Tuna fish with extra onion? Yep, something weird is going on somewhere in my brain.**

2. In the news, a baby was found in a gym bag in the parking lot of a townhome complex. Up near a fence. It was no longer alive. This bothered me more than I thought it would. I just thought about the baby we just lost, and here was a healthy baby boy literally thrown away. I guess he could've been stillborn, and the mother could be a superyoung, superscared teenager. That's about the only way it's forgivable, and even then I'm not sure.

3. It is 80 degrees here today and will be again tomorrow. 14 years ago here, we were about to have a monster blizzard in the atl. That's the south for you.

4. I am thinking of going to a tanning bed. I know, I know. It is totally bad for you. Like, TOTALLY, Mrs. Tipsymarie, as I was informed today by a girl whom I'm quite sure goes year round, with her mother. So she should know. But, I am tired of my translucent paleness. It's like a roadmap of veins on my chest and legs and such. I still can't help but think I'm slowly being cooked, but hey, I will at least have the glow of good health.

5. I am thinking about getting breast implants. Yes, I am quite sure I am crazy. We can't afford it, the thought of two bags of silicone sitting atop my major organs is just plan scary, no matter what Dr. R.obert R.ey says (um, can you really trust any man with super fakey highlights and shiny, brightly colored suits that look cheap but probably cost more than my mortgage? I am going to say no) and for the sheer fact they are fake. But from time to time, I do fantasize about buxom volouptiousness, and it makes implants almost seem like the best idea ever. I do wonder what any plastic surgery wizard could do with my measley 34 barely A's. Thanks Playtex bras, for your nearly A's. It was awesome buying one the other day right after a prepubescent 13 year old picked one up. Yep, totally awesome.

6. I think my recent foray into abject vanity is to reinvent my femininity. Because, we all know fertile women are really, really tan, with really, really, perky full boobs.


Nicole said...

Lots of thoughts on this post, but for now I will just wonder about the onions. Perhaps you have a need for sulfur? I love onions either way though. My step-father's special sandwhich is one with mustard, peanut butter, and onions. Ewww.

Sarah said...

haha, well i guess my small boobs and whitey whiteness explain my infertility then!

Adrienne said...

Just found you and will be stopping by for next week's installment of "what the friggin' frick", because we all need more friggin' and frick in our lives.

I'm so sorry for what you've gone through - those chromosomal abnormalities suck, don't they? (I don't mean to sound flip, since I'm right there with you - after miscarriage #3.) I hope things get brighter for you soon.

Baby Blues said...

I could have just spent my ART money on breast implants and vacations in the Bahamas! LOL.

The baby in the gym bag bothered me too. Just sad.

Anonymous said...

I would be more than happy to share some of my boob's with you. I have more than enough to go around.

Tuna with onions - yuck!

Anns said...

I like the "wtff" installment.. .def should be weekly. I feel you on the tuna cravings... but I'm a salt-aholic and sometimes use things like tuna to "get my fix"... but I'm hoping for you it's other reasons. Also... don't get fakes.. just revel in the fact that smaller chested women have many beautiful bra options.

Bumble said...

Oh that poor baby, left in a gym bag. Things like that make me so upset.

Enjoy those onions, and go to the cinema afterwards, why not irritate someone with that lovely onion breath! It would be a waste otherwise! :-)

Rebecca said...

I just happened upon your blog and really enjoy it! I'm a little addicted to Dr. Rey, I find myself making lists of surgeries I would like to try.

Watson said...

I am a pale (translucent, almost) chick with really small breasts too!

By george, I think you might have stumbled on the cause of my 'unexplained' IF!!

So instead of doing IVF, I could have opted for tanning beds (or, better yet, a nice long vacation) and a boob job?

Damn. I wish I'd gotten THAT memo sooner.


PS Love the new 'what the friggin frick' post idea, keep 'em coming.

peep: formerly known as jacked up said...

I laughed out loud, thank you! I just love funny people and I appreciate that you share your funniness so I can use it for my own good.

I have small boobs but I've always liked it. Big boobs just get in the damn way and I hate being stared at so it works out.

Melissa said...

Great post! For as much as could be spent on IF you could probably buy your very own tanning bed. Or an entire tanning franchise, for that matter!

Melissa said...

Ahhh...Love this post.

I have been planning on implants for YEARS! Not huge ones...just, you know....PERKY ones! I mean, what's better than boobs that stand up on their own? Thats just awesome...don't ya think?